Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
