I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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