I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize