I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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