I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
