Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
