I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
