I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
