I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
