out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
