i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
