we have pet lesbian snakes
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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