Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
