nut hugger
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
