Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
