Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
