This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
