There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
