I just cut my nipple shaving
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
