i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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