i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
