You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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