honey bunches of taint.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
