I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
