Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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