oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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