And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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