there's paper in my vomit.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
