there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
that is very illegal...i love you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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