two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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