So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
