I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
