So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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