did you get engaged???
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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