If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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