are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
