i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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