Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
