pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
