Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
