Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
