So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
As shirtless as possible
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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