C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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