apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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