it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
