I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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