Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize