i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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