btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
