and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize