its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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