my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
