Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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