Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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