I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
