I'm jealous of your bromance
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
