I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
