Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
