I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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