it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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