I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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