does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
