I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
