Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
