Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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