hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
