WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
