His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
