she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
