I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
