I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
