Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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