ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
