the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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