I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
