well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
