how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
