the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
